Taking Refuge

Being a parent you cannot afford to be weak. You cannot afford to be vulnerable. You simple have to take the cards you were given and power through the tough times taking refuge on friends and loved ones around you and bask in the glory of the finer moments.

This week has been a tough one, particularly today. And I have taken refuge on good friends, neighbors and family. I took Maggie for a hearing test in preparation for school and as a follow up from previous hearing tests done since she's was a newborn. She was born with a hearing loss and relies heavily her left ear to locate sound and pick up speech patterns etc. Keeping her left ear healthy is critical.

Today's tests revealed her healthy ear had a conductive loss which essentially means the volume at which she hears is lower than they'd like to see. At the moment the cause is unknown and I will be taking her for a follow up in six weeks where the hope is that her hearing range will be back to a healthy normal. I had the usual conversation with the audiologist and the ENT about possible amplification later down the line and the usual questions of "Do you know the cause?" "Did you have a healthy pregnancy?" "Did you have genetic screening?" and although the doctors were actually very polite and kind and emphatic it is a dialogue that always leaves me feeling hollow inside. I sit and hear it all, I take it all in. I seem on the outside calm and resolved to my daughters hearing loss and while I've long accepted it, my bulging heart aches every time her loss in on the examining table.

I hope with all my heart her next hearing tests reveals a perfectly healthy working ear at full volume and I hope that she will never need to worry about amplification and that she always remains my healthy happy ray of sunshine little girl. This last hour I have sat with her at the dinning table while Ryan naps in her bedroom. She and I have drawn picture after picture, after picture. The table looks like one huge art explosion. I am in awe of my little girl. She is drawing some great pictures, the best I've seen her do and with each one it gets better and better. She is so descriptive with each illustration too. "I'm going to draw the nipples on this cat mummy because it's a mummy cat." "This is a picture of two cats peeking through a leaf." "This is a picture of and angler fish catching two people in their submarine.".....

So while I've been feeling a little on the glum side and worried about how this will all play itself out, the quality time with my daughter has been immeaurable. It has filled me with optimism and good faith that all will work out.