Maggie's Song

After a wonderful playful day of walking around San Diego Zoo which I will post about at a later date, we all stopped for dinner before our one hundred mile drive back home. While we were waiting for our dinner to come to the table, Maggie made up this song.

Slippery Fish, Slippery Fish, Slippery Fish, Swimming in the water,
Slippery Fish , Slippery Fish, Slippery Fish, Swimming in the water.
Gulp, gulp -- gulp, gulp.
Oh No!
A Shark ate the Fish.

Slippery Shark, Slippery Shark, Slippery Shark, swimming in the water,
Slippery Shark, Slippery Shark, Slippery Shark, swimming in the water.
Gulp, gulp -- gulp, gulp.
Oh No!
Octopus ate the Shark.

Slippery Octopus, Slippery Octopus, Slippery Octopus, swimming in the water,
Slippery Octopus, Slippery Octopus, Slippery Octopus, swimming in the water.
Gulp, gulp -- gulp, gulp.
Oh no!
Dolphin ate the Octopus.

I cannot begin to tell you all how cute this was. You could see her mind ticking away thinking of what to "sing" next. I'm going to be checking with her pre-school to see if this resembles anything she learned there, but as far as Eric and I could tell this was a "Maggie Original". She even had little hand movements to go along with it.

Flights Booked for England

Call me crazy, but I have recently booked flights for England. I will be flying out in the height of the summer travel season with an almost one year old and a four year old, on my own. Thankfully I will have Eric with me for the trip back, the most gruelling of the two trans-Atlantic flights.

As I've mentioned in previous blogs, I have been feeling the need to spend some time in England with family and friends to reconnect at a level which goes beyond, "hey how are you?" and "What's the weather like?" I will be in England from the 31st July to the 18th August, a little over two weeks. While I'm there a great Aunt will be turning 85 and a surprise birthday party is being held in her honor. It will be a family reunions of sorts. I am quite excited about this opportunity as I will get to meet some family members that I haven't seen since I was a small child. There will be children running around for Maggie and Ryan to interact with which I imagine will be a bit of a cultural immersion experience for them. I get really excited when I think about this.

Then I start to think about the reality of being away from my home comforts. Two weeks in a different time zone, with two young children and away from my home comforts may quickly begin to feel like an eternity. I am very glad and excited to be giving my parents and children some unparalleled time together, time which I hope will become encased childhood memories of laughter and smiles. I'm wondering though. How realistic am I being? Do I have flighty dreams of fancy or can a good time be had by all? The stakes feel pretty high to me. High expectation often lead to disappointments. Is is worth the gamble? Absolutely. If only one day out of the 18 something days I'm in England, it will be worth it.

The Forty-Two Dollar Tank Top

It's been a crazy week and today was no exception. While Eric worked on putting an office in our garage I took the kids off to "Fashion Island" in Newport Beach. Though I don't exactly have the purse strings (or much in the way of fashion sense) to shop at Fashion Island it is a wonderful place to take the kids. Maggie particularly enjoys the Koy fish at the Koy pond and the variety of water displays not to mention the carousel.

To spare you the details of what it takes to get a seven month old and a three and half year old on any kind of outing, I'll give you one little highlight. The Forty-Two Dollar Tank Top.

The Forty-To Dollar Tank Top was a bright sunshine yellow and oh so soft. It had delicate black edging and a wonderful picture of a tall and slinky Siamese looking cat sitting with his nose in the air. Bordered around the picture were the printed words, "I'm trouble" or something to that effect. Maggie picked it off the racks and instantly fell in love with it. The fact that Maggie showed an interest in it was quite surprising as she's not your girly girl and is usually easily amused with her own repertoire of imaginary animals.

I casually checked out the price tag. Yes, someone out there came out with the brilliant and profitable idea of charging forty-two dollars for a yellow tank top that would only fit a very slender three footer whose favorite pastime is imitating animals, blowing bubbles and eating pancakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I admired the tee-shirt with Maggie and lightly discussed the wonderful color yellow and the adorable picture of the cat. Maggie requests a "try on " and I decline. There's an outburst of protest from Maggie.

Maggie must have really loved the tank top. She let me and the whole store know it too.

Maggie: No. I don't want to give it back to you.
Me: Why Maggie?
Maggie: Because I want to try it on. I don't want you to put it back.
Me: Maggie that's a lovely tank top but we're not buying it. It's forty- two dollars. We can buy five tank tops for this yellow one.
Maggie:(pause and thoughtful expression) But I want to try it on.
Me: Maggie, I can see you like that tank top very much but it's time to put it back.
Maggie: No I don't want to (who then sits on it, falling into the even more expensive rack of dresses behind her).

Thankfully, I manage to keep my resolve. Ryan obligingly sat in his peanut shell sling, checking out the bright lights of the store, while I persuaded Maggie to hand over the tank top by suggesting we take a look at the bunny-rabits in the next store -- but not before she apologized for behavior to the store's owner. When I saw Maggie approach the lady and give a sincere apology for screaming in her store I felt a valuable lesson had been learned by both of us. I reaped the reward of remaining calm and not being affected by the other customers (aka other parents)and Maggie learned how a forty-two-dollar tank top is just not worth the drama.

cbest

i've just committed to taking the cbest exam in april. it's scary and exciting at the same time. i don't know for sure that i want to teach but decided a step in that direction doesn't hurt anyone and it might even be very beneficial. i've got to gem up on my high-school math and refine my exam taking skills. right now, i'm ready for bed -- i'll take on the algebra another night.

i've been cooking

yes folks, i've been cooking. breakfast and dinner for seven days in a row -- quite a milestone by my usual standard.

breakfast has been varried, fresh fruit smoothies, eggs in all sorts of fashion (egg in a hole, scrambled, boiled) and oatmeal. i've also tried a couple of firsts with dinner. i've deveined shrimp, poached sole, cooked veggie lassagna from scratch, made beef tacos, taco salad, baked trout (not my best dish), cat in the hat mac n' cheese, a garden veggie dip and home made baby food.

i've had a lot of fun trying new recipies and building on my cooking skills. eric's a big fan of my pancakes and beef tacos. maggie LOVED the poached sole (as did i) and ryan has been a keen observer in all the prep and taken well to eating solid foods, though i am yet to offer him some of the good homemade stuff. that'll be next week.

though the cooking has been fun, the cleaning has been less so. i'm starting to evaluate recipies based on the number of dishes is takes to use -- the sole dish used two saucepans, one deep skillet, one casserole dish plus the dinner plates. not to mention the utensils and stove top that also need to be cleaned up afterwards;-)

from shopping for the fresh ingredients at the market, managing maggie and ryan, answering the phone and all that jazz it has felt downright overwhelming at times, but -- it has been very rewarding for the family time it has given. i had no idea what we were all missing. i just hope i can keep up with the momentum.

where does the time go?

goodness knows what happened to the month of feb, but here we are -- half way through march already. when the times passes so quickly in the mayhem of my busy life i am often reminded of a time when i was about eight or nine years old. a teacher in training came to visit our classroom and asked the class what was our favorite thing to do during the summer. one student said they liked to stay up late, passed their bedtime, another student said the summer months were too long. the teacher smiled and may have even given out a little laugh announcing that when we were older, "big people", there would be a time when we'd be glad for an early night and that the summer months of school vacation would not feel so long.

i remember thinking about this comment very seriously. i considered how my parents would literally fall asleep with the dinner tray on their lap, right in front of the television, and how tired they often appeared to be (which is no wonder when my father often worked a 70 hr week and my mother 35 hr week). now, a mother of two little ones i can totally appreciate what the teacher was saying. hopefully, i am far from falling asleep in front of the tv with a dinner tray on my lap but i have been known to nod off half way through a movie. i hasten to add this has happened as i've been snuggled up on the couch next to by warm bodied husband.

yesterday i watched my daughter, who is will be turning four in three months, fall asleep on the futon in her brother's room as he fell asleep in my arms. i doubt there will be such a moment again so it is nice to document a part of of here to help seal the memory of it. i studied maggie's face as her eyes slowly opened and closed before she drifted off to nah-nah land. i could see the baby face in her that i fell in love with when she was a newborn and i could see the young girl she was turning into, a juxtaposition of sorts. there was something timeless and magical about it. beautiful skin, gentle yet definite features. i looked at my son too. he was drifting off, partially latched on, curled up around my body and so, so big. big and long. it was harder to identify the features of his face, the features that will help identify him in baby photos when he's become a man. his skin and body are still so soft and gentle. i felt mixed emotions looking at him. a little sadness as i knew his newness was rapidly fading with time and a great amount of adoration for who he is (a very gentle soul) and a pinch of anticipation for who will turn into.

i sat for a long time holding ryan and watching maggie. there was a ton of things waiting for me to do outside the bedroom door but i wanted to live in the moment and soak it all up. i guess i decided that all those "things" waiting for me could keep on waiting. i was enjoying my time; sitting back and admiring.

the innocence of early childhood

i'm always regaling any willing listener of stories about maggie and ryan. i thought i'd post this one on here as it is one which has always received a laugh and shows (to me at least) how sweet and innocent maggie is.

a couple of weeks ago i was trying to get a few extra morning minutes in bed. i knew the minute my feet touched the floor i would not get a chance to rest untill the kids had gone to bed. i started to run through the mental check list of "things-to-do". catch up on laundry, pump milk for ryan's rice cereal, make breakfast (egg-in-a-hole sounded good), drop maggie off at pre-school, run to the market for basics, pick up food for cats, call health insurance, pay bills, contact school prof, sign up for cbest, sort through mount everest pile of mail covering my dinning table, research this, research that.....

maggie had been up running around in her chirpy self for ten minutes or so and i was grateful that eric was being good entertainment for her. then i heard her announce that she need to "go potty". i heard the usual banging around of step stools and potty seats before she called for me. "mommy!". not the; "look mommy, i'm so proud of me" mommy call, but the "mommy i'm really hurting" call. selfishly, i did not move a muscle and considered that eric could handle what ever the problem was. it didn't sound that bad. maggie called again and again, each time her intonation more intense. out of bed i jumped, quickly forgetting the long list of things i hoped to get through that day and how tired i already felt.

i found maggie sitting on the potty struggling to push out "poop". eric had done a good job of trying to relax her but only mommy would do. a stranger looking at her would be able to tell how uncomfortable she was feeling. i sat with maggie on the cold tiled floor for twenty minutes, possible more. she held on to me wih a death grip trying to push out her poop and i did my best to sound calm and reassuring. "mommy it hurts", "mommy don't leave me", "mommy, i can't", "no, i don't want you to look". "i can't do it mommy". "mommy it hurts".

and then the poop came out. i paused, my eyes on maggie ready to take her lead. would she be afraid, did she tear, was there blood, did she eat something indegestible, is she still hurting, did it all come out? i really needn't have been so concerned. maggie stood up proudly, turned around on her little step stool --nickers and pants around her ankles and peered into the toliet bowel. "look mommy. look! it's brown! oh it's so big! oh mommy it's so beautiful! mommy look!"

parenting decisions

last friday eric and i took the two little ones off to a dermatologist appointment. both of them have very sensitive skin; ryan's skin is very dry and eczema like and maggie has rash like spots on her arms and legs. its been a frustrating and worrying time to determine what the cause of their skin rash has been but the doctors appeared to be quite confident in determining the cause for both their rashes is indeed eczema.

so, we have a new ritual after bath time, oil lotion for maggie and aquaphor for ryan. the aquaphor for ryan is over the counter and more petroleum jelly than anything else. the oil for maggie is rx formally known as eczema oil which has a low dose of steriod in it -- a little scary given some of the known side affects, though several people (dr.s, friends and family) have reassured me the amount is so little its really insignificant.

** big sigh ** why can't parenting be easier? everyday you make decisions as a parent for your child. some you make very matter of factly and put yourself in camp or another. the divisions can sometimes be very clear. tv mom or no tv mom, breastfeeding mom or formula feeding mom, candy or no candy. though it can be easy to find your ground with some of these "camps" its the other decisions like which cream to use on your child's skin or when to vaccinate your child or which school to send your child that can be so heart wrenching. you make decisions armed with the best information you have web linked your way to, that you have networked from the pre-school, the babysitter, the neighbor, the doctor, the friend of a friend of a friend and then one random comment from a random person or a random newswarticle can make you jump start your reseach all over again.


i remember the first time i took maggie to see her pediatrician -- signing on the line marked "legal guardian/parent". somehow it wasn't 'till that point that the full throng of parenthood really hit me. maggie was just a week old. now she is three and so far, has fairly well survived my parenting ole faux-pas but it never ceases to amaze me just how responsible being a parent is. my whole perspective on life has forever changed. they say parenting will change you, but its not until you've lived a few years of it that you can really see just how much.

what i've been reading

sorry that i've been neglecting my blog a little. truth is, i've had my nose in some good books recently. you know, the kind which are hard to put down. the kids have also been keeping me quite busy recently and the cold season gave us another hit. fortunately, it seems we are all on the mend.

so what books have i been so hooked on? i have worked my way through three novels since christmas and taken a dive into two or three others -- it has felt like a real pleasure to have the energy and time to get through one novel, let alone three of them. so, without further ado, the books are: "one more day" by mitch albom, "bed rest" by sarah bilston, and "baby proof" by emily giffin.

"one more day" was a gift from eric for chistmas. i have read "the five people you meet in heaven" which was of a similar nature. regardless of that , "one more day" was and is a memorable book. if you're in the mood for something a little philosophical and enlightening -- i'd recommend it. if you've ever lost someone you loved and wished you could spend one more day with them, learn one more thing about them -- you'd probably enjoy it, though would need a good upbeat follow up to mellow you out.

"bed rest" was one i rented from my library and was picked up in part by a recommendation from my cousin and in part because of an invested interest for my sister-in-law who has been on bed rest with twins. given the premise of the book, i thought it'd be a good pick to gain a little perspective of my sister-in-laws experience if nothing else. as it turns out, the story line was more about relationships, expectations met (or not) and less about the ups and downs of bed rest during pregnancy. however, it is a good read and encourages a little self-reflection on how the history of our own relationships can impact our current ones.

my favorite of them all is, "baby proof". this will hit the mark with anyone approaching, nearing their thirties or living their thirties and soon to be leaving their thirties. giggin's writing is fast and quick witted with a tang of "sex in the city" kind of feel to it with a bit of "bridget jones diary" thrown in. i loved her writing so much that i have already ordered her other two books at the library (something blue and something borrowed

as i mentioned, i've also had my nose in a couple other books. these two fall into the non-ficiton variety. "you: the owners manual -- an insider's guide to the body that will make you healthier and younger" by michael f. roizen and mechmet c. oz m.d. ironically, it was a birthday gift, given to me by my babysitter. i've had a browse through it and have become somewhat inspired and motivated but am also left with the all encompassing overwhelming feeling of -- "oh my god i'm killing myself slowly. damn it, i must eat more veggies and drink more water, and have fresh fish at least three times a week, do some form of aerobic exercise three times a week, take a brisk walk every day, squeeze in yoga somewhere...." oh how that high rocky mountain to optimal health just gets steeper and steeper. will i ever stop feeling overwhelmed by it all?

the second non-fiction i've read a few chapters of is, "sleeping through the night" by jodi a mindell. as you can guess, my wonderful little boy (whose really not that little at 28inches going on 29 and 17lbs; i'm now purchasing size 12-18 months clothes for him!) is not yet sleeping through the night. i rented the book from the library (a new favorite fad of mine is to borrow rather than buy)to refresh myself on what the baby guru's have to say about the topic. from what i gather, ryan and i are doing a pretty good job in the sleep department but could benefit from a little tweaking. on a good night, he goes to bed around 6:30pm, feeds around 11pm, then at 3am ish and again around 6:30 - 7 am ish. my goal is to wean him from the 3am feeding around six months and eventually drop the 11pm feed sometime thereafter. we'll see how it goes. we'll be introducing solid foods soon so that may affect his sleeping and nursing habits too. my goodness how quickly they grow, how quickly time passes by -- did i mention that he has just started to learn how to sit unassisted for brief periods of time? i'll be sending him off to college before i know it and will be wondering where the years have gone.

princess cutie likes worms and tummy rolls for ryan

well our two little ones are coming along great and making my days speed along like bullet trains. today, i picked up maggie from pre-school who was happily going through the new box of dress up clothes. there was so much maturity in seeing her try different outfits from cowboy boots, cinderella dresses and flowery alice bands -- all items i couldn't persuade her to try on if my life depended on it. i breathed a small sigh of relief remembering that ten months from now she will be donning he own princess dress when she's a flower girl for our cousin amber.

here comes the real story though. maggie directed me over to the tea party where she was mixing me a special cup of tea. it looked much like "dirty water" to me. as the rule of the school is not to have that sort of thing inside i redirected her to play outside where upon i discovered my "dirty water" was nothing more than half a dozen worms in a small ball of mud. she was fascinated watching the worms and apparently spent a lot of her time today picking them out from the newly laid grass. oh my maggie -- i do love her so. she also corrected me in my observations and told me, as she stood in a white frothy princess dress with faux pearls sown on, that she was princess cutie from cutie and the beast - not belle.

and then there's ryan. big, long and tall, cherrishable, charismatic ryan. he learned how to roll from his tummy to his back today and is so pleased with his new achievement. it really will just be a matter of time before he's crawling. when he's laying on his stomach, chest perched up with his forearms and fist, he manages to inch his way forward kicking his legs and occasionally getting both knees bent into crawling mode. so, the race is on. can i get the house ryan proofed in time?

my birthday

my birthday was wonderful! the day is coming to an end and i am left feeling very cared for and loved.

the celebrations started saturday morning. the four of us had breakfast at a favorite french brasserie of ours on second street in belmont shores area. we all indluged in one small cherry cupcake, topped with sweet cream and chocolate flakes (maggie's choice)-- it was very moist and not too sweet. i followed with a panini sandwich of fresh mozzarella, basil and tomato, eric had a french baguette with scrambled egg, bacon and avocado and maggie enjoyed some pickings from each of our plates with a fruit salad; ryan gulped down a digested milk produced version of all the above.

the middle of the day was filled with me running around the house picking up, dusting and cleaning. my house had been looking remarkable like the aftermath of a english jumble sale,-- a lot of toys, books and games misplaced, the dust bunnies looked like they were ready to host their own dinner party. strangely enough, this was a treat to do. i'm not known for keeping a clean and tidy house but i have been going a crazy stepping over the clutter and sporadically picking up the dust bunnies whenever they crossed my path.

saturday night eric and i went out for a date and found ourselves at mahé, a restaurant that offers amazing sushi. i'm telling you the sushi was melt in your mouth good. my stomach was full and my chopsticks were still reaching out for another roll -- talk about food comma. the atmosphere in the restaurant was perfect for the occasion too. live acoustic music was playing, a fair mixture of people from the trendy air-heads to the "i'm only here for the good food" type.

my birthday morning was just as picture perfect as it could be. it began with the four of us were laying in the california queen under the covers, the kids in between eric and i, catching an extra twenty minutes of shut-eye. it was so lovely to have three pairs of blue eyes staring back at me and wishing me happy birthday. maggie wished me an earnest "happy birthday mommy" and promptly asked about cake, ryan gave me his "melt your heart" smile and eric rolled out off bed with the kids to give me an extra twenty minutes under the covers. when my twenty minutes were up, i was presented with three lovely cards, one from maggie, one from eric and another one for swedish massage and aromatherapy treatment.


my mum rang mid-morning and dutifully sang a full verse of happy birthday down the phone line, as she does every year. we caught up with each other a bit, I filled her in on my birthday plans and enjoyed a quick chat with my dad before hanging up with the promise of a call back later in the week. i also caught up with my birthday twin from england (hi kat). we joked about how quickly the year has passed and marveled at how insane it was that we had basically spent a whole year trying to set up a phone date since out last birthday. my very dear friend, dannielle, came over to visit and presented me with some very thoughtful gifts (thank you again dannielle) who then took me out for lunch at pfchangs in long beach. ryan was extremely cooperative and allowed us to catch up the only way girlfriends do; all while eric hung out in the car with sleeping beauty (maggie).

i also got emails, cards and lovely voice mails from other dear friends and family of mine, all which just made me feel so incredibly grateful. and on that note -- the last few years of celebrating my birthday i have been feeling that it should be less about me and more about the people in my life. the people who fill it with joy, with happiness. people who make me a stronger, people who make me a better person. it's a little too cliché to present it like this i suppose, but it is how i feel. after all, i am no more than accumulation of the people in my life. if you're reading this blog, please know that i love you, i admire you and am so glad to have you in my life, as a part of my life.

thanks guys :-)

off the charts

i took ryan to the doctors today. he measured in at 27 and 3/4 inches in length and weighed 16lbs 4oz. for his length, he is quite literally off the percentile chart and for weight he is sitting comfortably at 75. as a side note i should add that exactly two weeks ago, ryan was just 27 inches. can you imagine growing 3/4 of an inch in just two weeks? think about how much energy that would take. how much food you'd need to eat.

speaking of which, i am trying to better schedule ryan's naps and feedings. in the early days, feeding ryan was all about keeping my head above water. i'd spend my days nursing and carrying him in the sling while entertaining maggie to ensure she did not feel sidelined. now i feel like i'm treading water fairly successfully with daring trips to the mall, the zoo and aquarium. i am now ready to swim a few laps.

it feels like ryan is ready to take on a few new challenges too. he is a lot more mature and is better apt at keeping himself entertained with his developing motor skills. he has discovered his hands and likes to put them in his mouth a lot. and those lovely dropped earlobes, he's discovered them too -- oh how he loves to pull on them and trick me into believing he has an ear infection. he's loving his reflection in the mirror -- he squeals, smiles and laughs along with himself. he is just one step away from rolling over which is just a short pit-stop before he learns how to crawl. ohh boy...

Christmas and a New Year

my goodness me, how time flys. i can hardly believe we're in 2007. just last week i was writing a cheque (english spelling) and almost wrote it out for the month of august (nb month ryan was born). now i have to think about a new month and a new year when i write my next cheque. goodness me, how will i manage?!


the christmas season passed us by without any great event, though it will definitely be a christmas that i'll remember in my old senile days. it was maggie's year this year, really the first time she could participate. as people came to visit she wished them a merry christmas and when we went to see the christmas lights in napels she waved to people on their boats and shouted out a lovely "merry christmas" chirp. it was really lovely.

christmas also came with its huge pile of gifts and quality time with loved ones. maggie, however received the award for most original and planned gift in design. early last summer i asked her when she would be ready to start going pee-pee and poo-poo on the potty and she told me christmas. sure enough, maggie officially, well and trully, completed her potty training right at christmas. this means we no longer need to remind her, we no longer need to bribe, we no longer need to hand wash dirty undies and we no longer need to buy diapers for her. quite, possibly the best christmas present she'll ever give to us.

changing gears a bit, i want to make a mention of my parents and sister back in england. the holidays are always a tough time because of the stark reminder of just how much we are missing out on each others lives. you'd think with not spending time with someone you love, that you'd have a lot to talk about when you get on the phone but the reality of the matter is that there's far less to talk about. once you get passed the, "so how are you? what are you doing for christmas/new year? what have you been up to?" there isn't much left to say.

talking to my dad is bitter sweet. he's a very loving man and wears his heart on his sleeve. conversations with him are often heartfelt where i learn a little more about what kind of man he is. through the passage of time i have come to know him as "brian" and less so as "dad" -- the man that grumbles, snorts and coughs. little does he know, but after eight years of being out here, he's the one i feel that i can most easily connect with. i can always listen to his stories. i've rarely heard him complain or hold resentment yet i know he misses seeing his grand children, eric and i.

the affection i have for my dad is one that is really only reserved for him but that is not to say i don't miss my mum (english spelling). quite the contrary. i can't help but feel my relationship with my mom has weathered with time and distance. my mom is enjoying retirement and living life to the fullest, taking the time to rediscover who she is. i am pleased for her and happy to hear the bounce in her voice when she tells me about her activities and involvement with university of the third age but at the same time there are stories missed and untold about her grandchildren that just don't translate well down the phone line. then there's my sister who is so far removed from the daily happenings of my life (and i from hers) its untrue. to give an analogy, the connection between us is bit like a fishing line; strong, long, but not quite visible.

for the most part, i try not to dwell, but the holiday season has the tendency to bring this sort of thing into shaper focus. i start thinking about the next trip back. when do i go? how long will i stay for? will eric come with me? will the kids come with me? where will i stay? do i pay for my parents to visit us? so much to think about, so many options to weigh up. gosh -- i could go on with all the thoughts which race through my mind but you get the picture, i'm sure.

eric and i have been talking on and off about an extended stay in england this year(one or two months perhaps) to reconnect and give maggie some experience of england and her extended family. if we were to do this, it would just be the kids and i for the full duration and eric for a shorter visit (one or two weeks). while the notion sounds quite lovely, there is another reality. oh, what to do, what to do......