mother's love

there's really nothing quite like a mother's love. i've realized how true that is this week as i've been doing my best to look after my two precious ones, margaret and ryan. they have both been sick with nasty colds.

at times is has been downright overwhelming. other times it has been heartbreaking -- every inch of me just wants to step into their suffering. When ever i wondered how an earth i was going to manage the next snotty nosed rub on my shoulder or milky cough into my face i somehow managed to let it all go and see the humor and beauty of it all.

for example, yesterday i was nursing ryan in the glider. he was clearly uncomfortable and feeling the symptoms of his cold and just began to doze off in my arms. phew i thought to myself.

the next thing i knew, maggie had decided it would be a good idea to harass the cats. usually she is very good with the cats but things looked like they were about to get out of hand so i gave her a verbal warning to stop as quietly, but assertively, as i could as not to wake ryan. maggie, just as assertively, responded with, "don't say that to me. don't say that to me!" and then the tears began.

ryan squirmed in my arms and broke into a shrill while maggie came and stood right next to me. as maggie stood, her eyes filled with salty tears where she again said, "don't say that to me!" -- her face rash like from the dry snot she had smeared over her face and two fresh green wet muccas bubbles popping out from her nostrils i considered just how much i loved her and ryan.

the whole look and expression made me smile. to me, maggie looked beautiful. tearful and snotty, but still beautiful. ryan squirming in my arms at a hefty 17 lbs still oozed with squimy goodness that made me just want to nuzzle nose to nose with him.

yes. there's nothing like a mother's love.

what maggie wants for christmas

been quite busy the last few days and have missed posting some personal thoughts on a couple of topics. i plan on posting them at a later date but this story is short and sweet -- and too cute to postpone.

maggie had her friend over today who has become somewhat of a "big sister" to her -- she's three years older than maggie and has known her for almost two years now. it's so lovely to see them together. i think maggie enjoys being "grown up" with her and just blooms with confidence when she's around. it's a great relationship for her to have.

i was reading them both a book "miss spiders christmas wish" . in the story a lonely young miss spiders wishes for a new friend. i asked the girls what they would like for christmas. maggie spoke first. here's what she said, "i want snow, a tree, santa claus and real reindeer in my room." her friend said she wanted another real kitten and if she couldn't have that she'd take a doll that you can put different outfits on.

the faces on each of their faces was priceless and for one brief moment i too felt the spirit of christmas like only a child can.

why two is so much more than one

i titled this post a long time before i got round to writing the context which is iroinc considering the point i'm trying to make.

have two kids truly is so much more work than having one! the big difference comes in the washing. i can't believe how much more washing that comes with one more child. i have to remember that its not just the little clothes i'm washing but its also more sheets, towels, blankets. more bibs, spit up cloths, car seats covers. my clothes are also getting washed more frequently for all the extra spit up, poop and pee that is getting thrown at it.

and then there's the missing "down time". when there is just one. there's really just one. when they are having some down time, taking a nap, reading a book, colouring in, you get to enjoy the benefits. when you have two, they conspire to keep you busy all day long! when there’s more than one, there is no “down time”.

a bee in my bonnet

i have a bee in my bonnet about the phrase "just a stay at home mom". the phrase has such negative connotations and implies insignificance and passiveness on the part of the mother. comments from working moms such as "well, at least you don't have to work all day" are equally annoying and insulting but that is a whole other blog entry i'll save for another time.

for me, staying at home to raise my children is as much a privilege as it is a choice but the phrase "just a stay-at-home mom" is one which makes me twitch in my seat. it implies that mothering/parenting alone is not a worthwhile cause. it implies or is presumed that the mother has no personal life, social or mental acuity or life long goals. imagine, what do i say to a mother who chooses to work and says to me, "you're just a stay-at-home mom"? responding with an equally killing phrase might be something like, "you're just a part-time mom". of course i don't. i know there is no such thing as "part-time mom". mothers never stop thinking and worrying about their children, no matter what they do or where they are.


perhaps a more fitting term for a stay-at-home mom might be something like, "you're a full-time psychologist, educator, physician, nurturer, disciplinarian, mediator, conservationist, creator, story-teller, artist, photographer, fitness instructor, nutritionist, cook, cleaner, financial investor, accountant, events coordinator, diplomat, chauffer-mommy".

no? i guess that phrase doesn't exactly roll of the tongue. what would be better is to reward mothers who are able to, and have chosen to stay-at-home, with a pat on the back for a job well done. us stay at home moms don't "just stay at home". we work our butts off all day long with no tea breaks, no lunch breaks, no nice civil conversations with our peers -- and no boss or colleague to tell us “a job well done”. just and endless "to-do-list" that rarely gets past the top three; get up, get showered, get dressed.

a final word: us "stay-at-home moms" are so much more than just stay-at-home mothers. we are creating a world for a better tomorrow filled with amazing, wonderful, bright and caring individuals -- our children.

what to teach about christmas

since writing this blog there has been so many things i've wanted to comment on during the day, but when the evening comes and the kids are in bed i'm usually planning the next day in my head. i hope that as my writing skills develop and i get into a better habit of writing to this blog, i'll be able to record more of the precious moments and small miracles which are such a a large part of my family life.

that being said, i've had quite a philosophical collection of thoughts today. christmas. how do i make christmas, christmas? what family traditions do i want to create or pass on? what "meaning" do i want to teach to my children about christmas? do i teach them about the story of jesus christ? do i engage them in the fantasy of father christmas? what's more, how can i teach my children about religious tolerance and social inequality? how can i teach them about the gift of giving and the art of receiving?

maggie will be three and half this christmas and she is much more aware of her surroundings than last year. she is beginning to notice differences between herself and those around her from skin color to physical size, sex and age. i am yet to come up with a way to help her understand that there are those who are less fortunate than us and those who are more fortunate than us. nore have i figured out how to teach her about the story of jesus let alone which version (1st testament, 2nd testament, koran...). for right now, i am settled on introducing and keeping a few family traditions this year -- chistmas light walk on christmas eve, cookie baking, tree, etc.

there is one thing i know of for sure. chistmas is a time to let those you love, know that they're loved, thought of and cared for. it's all about spending time with people, making a phone call, sending a card or email. it's about connecting with yourself and with others.

becoming mom

on becoming a mom i have lost -:

sleep
all inhibitions about bodily functions and crevices
fear of spiders and other creepy-crawlies
modesty
and casual acquaintances


on becoming a mom i have gained -:

a few pounds and grey hairs
a sense of humor
true friends
stellar arm muscles

and a profound sense of being.

What I want for my children

so my big sister is coming out to visit me and i am addicted to checking her myspace profile. i think i've practically ingested every single detail she's added or changed. i love her so much. i always will. sometimes i'm enamored by her, sometimes i want to shake her by the shoulders and ask her "why!?' i've no doubt her mind boggles over the things i do too and given the things she has said and done for me, i am certain she loves me unconditionally too.

however, growing up we were often at odds with each other. when i became a mother i became fearful that it would be the same for my children. i was concerned for the hurt and pain my children might bring on each other and the hurt and pain eric and i might unwittingly put upon our children. ever since my first child was born i have been conscious of the inevitable second child that we dreamed of having and sought a "magic ingredient" that will teach my children the ways of "getting along" rather than fighting and abusing or bullying each other through their growing years.

today i had an epiphany about it all while i was browsing my sister's myspace profile. the bottom line is that despite everthing, from the small stuff to the big stuff, the protective love i have for my sister has been unfaltering. despite the distance between us, figuratively and literally, we are sisters and we are there for each other when it really matters.

So, while i hope for a peaceful household of loving siblings -- what i will strive for is the same kind of love my sister and i share.