cbest

i've just committed to taking the cbest exam in april. it's scary and exciting at the same time. i don't know for sure that i want to teach but decided a step in that direction doesn't hurt anyone and it might even be very beneficial. i've got to gem up on my high-school math and refine my exam taking skills. right now, i'm ready for bed -- i'll take on the algebra another night.

i've been cooking

yes folks, i've been cooking. breakfast and dinner for seven days in a row -- quite a milestone by my usual standard.

breakfast has been varried, fresh fruit smoothies, eggs in all sorts of fashion (egg in a hole, scrambled, boiled) and oatmeal. i've also tried a couple of firsts with dinner. i've deveined shrimp, poached sole, cooked veggie lassagna from scratch, made beef tacos, taco salad, baked trout (not my best dish), cat in the hat mac n' cheese, a garden veggie dip and home made baby food.

i've had a lot of fun trying new recipies and building on my cooking skills. eric's a big fan of my pancakes and beef tacos. maggie LOVED the poached sole (as did i) and ryan has been a keen observer in all the prep and taken well to eating solid foods, though i am yet to offer him some of the good homemade stuff. that'll be next week.

though the cooking has been fun, the cleaning has been less so. i'm starting to evaluate recipies based on the number of dishes is takes to use -- the sole dish used two saucepans, one deep skillet, one casserole dish plus the dinner plates. not to mention the utensils and stove top that also need to be cleaned up afterwards;-)

from shopping for the fresh ingredients at the market, managing maggie and ryan, answering the phone and all that jazz it has felt downright overwhelming at times, but -- it has been very rewarding for the family time it has given. i had no idea what we were all missing. i just hope i can keep up with the momentum.

where does the time go?

goodness knows what happened to the month of feb, but here we are -- half way through march already. when the times passes so quickly in the mayhem of my busy life i am often reminded of a time when i was about eight or nine years old. a teacher in training came to visit our classroom and asked the class what was our favorite thing to do during the summer. one student said they liked to stay up late, passed their bedtime, another student said the summer months were too long. the teacher smiled and may have even given out a little laugh announcing that when we were older, "big people", there would be a time when we'd be glad for an early night and that the summer months of school vacation would not feel so long.

i remember thinking about this comment very seriously. i considered how my parents would literally fall asleep with the dinner tray on their lap, right in front of the television, and how tired they often appeared to be (which is no wonder when my father often worked a 70 hr week and my mother 35 hr week). now, a mother of two little ones i can totally appreciate what the teacher was saying. hopefully, i am far from falling asleep in front of the tv with a dinner tray on my lap but i have been known to nod off half way through a movie. i hasten to add this has happened as i've been snuggled up on the couch next to by warm bodied husband.

yesterday i watched my daughter, who is will be turning four in three months, fall asleep on the futon in her brother's room as he fell asleep in my arms. i doubt there will be such a moment again so it is nice to document a part of of here to help seal the memory of it. i studied maggie's face as her eyes slowly opened and closed before she drifted off to nah-nah land. i could see the baby face in her that i fell in love with when she was a newborn and i could see the young girl she was turning into, a juxtaposition of sorts. there was something timeless and magical about it. beautiful skin, gentle yet definite features. i looked at my son too. he was drifting off, partially latched on, curled up around my body and so, so big. big and long. it was harder to identify the features of his face, the features that will help identify him in baby photos when he's become a man. his skin and body are still so soft and gentle. i felt mixed emotions looking at him. a little sadness as i knew his newness was rapidly fading with time and a great amount of adoration for who he is (a very gentle soul) and a pinch of anticipation for who will turn into.

i sat for a long time holding ryan and watching maggie. there was a ton of things waiting for me to do outside the bedroom door but i wanted to live in the moment and soak it all up. i guess i decided that all those "things" waiting for me could keep on waiting. i was enjoying my time; sitting back and admiring.

the innocence of early childhood

i'm always regaling any willing listener of stories about maggie and ryan. i thought i'd post this one on here as it is one which has always received a laugh and shows (to me at least) how sweet and innocent maggie is.

a couple of weeks ago i was trying to get a few extra morning minutes in bed. i knew the minute my feet touched the floor i would not get a chance to rest untill the kids had gone to bed. i started to run through the mental check list of "things-to-do". catch up on laundry, pump milk for ryan's rice cereal, make breakfast (egg-in-a-hole sounded good), drop maggie off at pre-school, run to the market for basics, pick up food for cats, call health insurance, pay bills, contact school prof, sign up for cbest, sort through mount everest pile of mail covering my dinning table, research this, research that.....

maggie had been up running around in her chirpy self for ten minutes or so and i was grateful that eric was being good entertainment for her. then i heard her announce that she need to "go potty". i heard the usual banging around of step stools and potty seats before she called for me. "mommy!". not the; "look mommy, i'm so proud of me" mommy call, but the "mommy i'm really hurting" call. selfishly, i did not move a muscle and considered that eric could handle what ever the problem was. it didn't sound that bad. maggie called again and again, each time her intonation more intense. out of bed i jumped, quickly forgetting the long list of things i hoped to get through that day and how tired i already felt.

i found maggie sitting on the potty struggling to push out "poop". eric had done a good job of trying to relax her but only mommy would do. a stranger looking at her would be able to tell how uncomfortable she was feeling. i sat with maggie on the cold tiled floor for twenty minutes, possible more. she held on to me wih a death grip trying to push out her poop and i did my best to sound calm and reassuring. "mommy it hurts", "mommy don't leave me", "mommy, i can't", "no, i don't want you to look". "i can't do it mommy". "mommy it hurts".

and then the poop came out. i paused, my eyes on maggie ready to take her lead. would she be afraid, did she tear, was there blood, did she eat something indegestible, is she still hurting, did it all come out? i really needn't have been so concerned. maggie stood up proudly, turned around on her little step stool --nickers and pants around her ankles and peered into the toliet bowel. "look mommy. look! it's brown! oh it's so big! oh mommy it's so beautiful! mommy look!"

parenting decisions

last friday eric and i took the two little ones off to a dermatologist appointment. both of them have very sensitive skin; ryan's skin is very dry and eczema like and maggie has rash like spots on her arms and legs. its been a frustrating and worrying time to determine what the cause of their skin rash has been but the doctors appeared to be quite confident in determining the cause for both their rashes is indeed eczema.

so, we have a new ritual after bath time, oil lotion for maggie and aquaphor for ryan. the aquaphor for ryan is over the counter and more petroleum jelly than anything else. the oil for maggie is rx formally known as eczema oil which has a low dose of steriod in it -- a little scary given some of the known side affects, though several people (dr.s, friends and family) have reassured me the amount is so little its really insignificant.

** big sigh ** why can't parenting be easier? everyday you make decisions as a parent for your child. some you make very matter of factly and put yourself in camp or another. the divisions can sometimes be very clear. tv mom or no tv mom, breastfeeding mom or formula feeding mom, candy or no candy. though it can be easy to find your ground with some of these "camps" its the other decisions like which cream to use on your child's skin or when to vaccinate your child or which school to send your child that can be so heart wrenching. you make decisions armed with the best information you have web linked your way to, that you have networked from the pre-school, the babysitter, the neighbor, the doctor, the friend of a friend of a friend and then one random comment from a random person or a random newswarticle can make you jump start your reseach all over again.


i remember the first time i took maggie to see her pediatrician -- signing on the line marked "legal guardian/parent". somehow it wasn't 'till that point that the full throng of parenthood really hit me. maggie was just a week old. now she is three and so far, has fairly well survived my parenting ole faux-pas but it never ceases to amaze me just how responsible being a parent is. my whole perspective on life has forever changed. they say parenting will change you, but its not until you've lived a few years of it that you can really see just how much.

what i've been reading

sorry that i've been neglecting my blog a little. truth is, i've had my nose in some good books recently. you know, the kind which are hard to put down. the kids have also been keeping me quite busy recently and the cold season gave us another hit. fortunately, it seems we are all on the mend.

so what books have i been so hooked on? i have worked my way through three novels since christmas and taken a dive into two or three others -- it has felt like a real pleasure to have the energy and time to get through one novel, let alone three of them. so, without further ado, the books are: "one more day" by mitch albom, "bed rest" by sarah bilston, and "baby proof" by emily giffin.

"one more day" was a gift from eric for chistmas. i have read "the five people you meet in heaven" which was of a similar nature. regardless of that , "one more day" was and is a memorable book. if you're in the mood for something a little philosophical and enlightening -- i'd recommend it. if you've ever lost someone you loved and wished you could spend one more day with them, learn one more thing about them -- you'd probably enjoy it, though would need a good upbeat follow up to mellow you out.

"bed rest" was one i rented from my library and was picked up in part by a recommendation from my cousin and in part because of an invested interest for my sister-in-law who has been on bed rest with twins. given the premise of the book, i thought it'd be a good pick to gain a little perspective of my sister-in-laws experience if nothing else. as it turns out, the story line was more about relationships, expectations met (or not) and less about the ups and downs of bed rest during pregnancy. however, it is a good read and encourages a little self-reflection on how the history of our own relationships can impact our current ones.

my favorite of them all is, "baby proof". this will hit the mark with anyone approaching, nearing their thirties or living their thirties and soon to be leaving their thirties. giggin's writing is fast and quick witted with a tang of "sex in the city" kind of feel to it with a bit of "bridget jones diary" thrown in. i loved her writing so much that i have already ordered her other two books at the library (something blue and something borrowed

as i mentioned, i've also had my nose in a couple other books. these two fall into the non-ficiton variety. "you: the owners manual -- an insider's guide to the body that will make you healthier and younger" by michael f. roizen and mechmet c. oz m.d. ironically, it was a birthday gift, given to me by my babysitter. i've had a browse through it and have become somewhat inspired and motivated but am also left with the all encompassing overwhelming feeling of -- "oh my god i'm killing myself slowly. damn it, i must eat more veggies and drink more water, and have fresh fish at least three times a week, do some form of aerobic exercise three times a week, take a brisk walk every day, squeeze in yoga somewhere...." oh how that high rocky mountain to optimal health just gets steeper and steeper. will i ever stop feeling overwhelmed by it all?

the second non-fiction i've read a few chapters of is, "sleeping through the night" by jodi a mindell. as you can guess, my wonderful little boy (whose really not that little at 28inches going on 29 and 17lbs; i'm now purchasing size 12-18 months clothes for him!) is not yet sleeping through the night. i rented the book from the library (a new favorite fad of mine is to borrow rather than buy)to refresh myself on what the baby guru's have to say about the topic. from what i gather, ryan and i are doing a pretty good job in the sleep department but could benefit from a little tweaking. on a good night, he goes to bed around 6:30pm, feeds around 11pm, then at 3am ish and again around 6:30 - 7 am ish. my goal is to wean him from the 3am feeding around six months and eventually drop the 11pm feed sometime thereafter. we'll see how it goes. we'll be introducing solid foods soon so that may affect his sleeping and nursing habits too. my goodness how quickly they grow, how quickly time passes by -- did i mention that he has just started to learn how to sit unassisted for brief periods of time? i'll be sending him off to college before i know it and will be wondering where the years have gone.

princess cutie likes worms and tummy rolls for ryan

well our two little ones are coming along great and making my days speed along like bullet trains. today, i picked up maggie from pre-school who was happily going through the new box of dress up clothes. there was so much maturity in seeing her try different outfits from cowboy boots, cinderella dresses and flowery alice bands -- all items i couldn't persuade her to try on if my life depended on it. i breathed a small sigh of relief remembering that ten months from now she will be donning he own princess dress when she's a flower girl for our cousin amber.

here comes the real story though. maggie directed me over to the tea party where she was mixing me a special cup of tea. it looked much like "dirty water" to me. as the rule of the school is not to have that sort of thing inside i redirected her to play outside where upon i discovered my "dirty water" was nothing more than half a dozen worms in a small ball of mud. she was fascinated watching the worms and apparently spent a lot of her time today picking them out from the newly laid grass. oh my maggie -- i do love her so. she also corrected me in my observations and told me, as she stood in a white frothy princess dress with faux pearls sown on, that she was princess cutie from cutie and the beast - not belle.

and then there's ryan. big, long and tall, cherrishable, charismatic ryan. he learned how to roll from his tummy to his back today and is so pleased with his new achievement. it really will just be a matter of time before he's crawling. when he's laying on his stomach, chest perched up with his forearms and fist, he manages to inch his way forward kicking his legs and occasionally getting both knees bent into crawling mode. so, the race is on. can i get the house ryan proofed in time?