I took my son for his two year check up. I left out of my mind with worry. I took my son for a well baby check up this morning and left with a referral for a pediatric neurologist. It was last on my list of expectations.
I am now a member of yahoo groups for the speech delayed child and late talkers and have ordered three books from Amazon. I am my sons advocate and I am a cynic about the motives behind some medical professionals. I feel part fool, part optimist. I am my child's mother and I will fight till the bitter end. Every night, I lay him down and pray that another tomorrow will bring some answers.
Ryan, I love you with my whole being. You are amazing. You are sweet and caring. You are smart and inquisitive. You are strong and willful. And I love you endlessly.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
A Week of Kindergarten
Maggie has officially started Kindergarten and I have survived. She has thrived.
It seems that Maggie was more than ready for this new endeavour and I couldn't be more proud. She was so full of excitement on the first day. So much so that she wanted to draw a picture for her teacher -- Time allowed and so I permitted. It was so cute to see her jump to her feet when her teacher called her name. Picture in hand she raced to the teacher and announced she did the picture especially for her. Laughter filled the room and Maggie was not fazed one bit. She was all heart and full of so much enthusiasm I think some atoms must have been bursting.
I asked her about her classmates today and she told me, "Well, I don't like Zackery. He's a nice boy but he keeps asking questions. Bad questions and I don't like that. It's distracting for me." I asked her what she meant by bad questions and she told me, "He asks questions when Ms Walsh is talking and I don't like that. I want to hear what Ms Walsh is saying. It's bad to ask questions when Ms. Walsh is talking." She told me all this with such poise, I was grateful that I had to keep my eyes on the road. It would have been too hard not to crack a smile had I been looking at her.
All in all, I quite like the new routine. The mornings have been more intimate with Maggie as I try to make an effort to eat breakfast with her and its been lovely to see her race to me when school lets out. Its really pretty darn cool actually. As a fellow blogger said in my comments from my previous post, "The world has opened up for her." Its also been wonderful to have Ryan all to myself, and I think he's enjoying the extra attention too. His smile melts my heart everytime.
I've learned a thing of two myself this past week. I've gotten really good at parallel parking. An absolute necessity when dropping off your kindergartner. It takes at least fifty requests from me to get Maggie moving in the morning --get your shoes and socks on Maggie, brush your hair, make your bed, pack your backpack, bla bla bla....its quite exhausting getting out the door. The paperwork Maggie is sent home with is insurmountable and I seriously need to get organized with it. I practically have a redwood growing out of my kitchen counter. I've also learned that lunch gets boring pretty quick and that its quite normal for the average five year old to return home with half the contents untouched yet famished from hunger. Wonders will never cease.
It seems that Maggie was more than ready for this new endeavour and I couldn't be more proud. She was so full of excitement on the first day. So much so that she wanted to draw a picture for her teacher -- Time allowed and so I permitted. It was so cute to see her jump to her feet when her teacher called her name. Picture in hand she raced to the teacher and announced she did the picture especially for her. Laughter filled the room and Maggie was not fazed one bit. She was all heart and full of so much enthusiasm I think some atoms must have been bursting.
I asked her about her classmates today and she told me, "Well, I don't like Zackery. He's a nice boy but he keeps asking questions. Bad questions and I don't like that. It's distracting for me." I asked her what she meant by bad questions and she told me, "He asks questions when Ms Walsh is talking and I don't like that. I want to hear what Ms Walsh is saying. It's bad to ask questions when Ms. Walsh is talking." She told me all this with such poise, I was grateful that I had to keep my eyes on the road. It would have been too hard not to crack a smile had I been looking at her.
All in all, I quite like the new routine. The mornings have been more intimate with Maggie as I try to make an effort to eat breakfast with her and its been lovely to see her race to me when school lets out. Its really pretty darn cool actually. As a fellow blogger said in my comments from my previous post, "The world has opened up for her." Its also been wonderful to have Ryan all to myself, and I think he's enjoying the extra attention too. His smile melts my heart everytime.
I've learned a thing of two myself this past week. I've gotten really good at parallel parking. An absolute necessity when dropping off your kindergartner. It takes at least fifty requests from me to get Maggie moving in the morning --get your shoes and socks on Maggie, brush your hair, make your bed, pack your backpack, bla bla bla....its quite exhausting getting out the door. The paperwork Maggie is sent home with is insurmountable and I seriously need to get organized with it. I practically have a redwood growing out of my kitchen counter. I've also learned that lunch gets boring pretty quick and that its quite normal for the average five year old to return home with half the contents untouched yet famished from hunger. Wonders will never cease.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
I Will Miss This Face
Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek
My first born is off to Kindergarten next week and I will miss her. I will miss her sunshine and her caring, empathic nature. I will miss her enthusiasm for life itself. I will miss her tall stories about the pet store man dropping of pets for us to care for. I will miss her constant chatter. I will miss her polite requests for cut up plum. I will miss her racing and thundering feet through the weak walls of this house. I will miss her. I will miss her smile and her warm embrace.
My little girl. My big girl.
I will miss you.
More than words or tears can tell.
My little girl. My big girl.
Go forth and stun them all.
Shine light on them --
As you have me.
Monday, August 25, 2008
I am Bigger than You
I am bigger than you.
I am stronger than you.
and I know better than you.
Sweet Ryan, these are the words I chanted to you when you were busy having a hissy fit over dinner tonight. It worked, or perhaps it was the time out before hand or would it be that I ignored you until you calmed down? Maybe my calmer demeanor? I've no idea. I'm just glad we got through dinner and you ate your way through three chicken nuggets, six medium carrots, asparagus spears, a glass of water and some left over birthday cake. You rocked tonight my son and I love you. I've always loved you and I always will. No matter what, sweet boy. Keep on rocking sweetie.
I am stronger than you.
and I know better than you.
Sweet Ryan, these are the words I chanted to you when you were busy having a hissy fit over dinner tonight. It worked, or perhaps it was the time out before hand or would it be that I ignored you until you calmed down? Maybe my calmer demeanor? I've no idea. I'm just glad we got through dinner and you ate your way through three chicken nuggets, six medium carrots, asparagus spears, a glass of water and some left over birthday cake. You rocked tonight my son and I love you. I've always loved you and I always will. No matter what, sweet boy. Keep on rocking sweetie.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Taking Refuge
Being a parent you cannot afford to be weak. You cannot afford to be vulnerable. You simple have to take the cards you were given and power through the tough times taking refuge on friends and loved ones around you and bask in the glory of the finer moments.
This week has been a tough one, particularly today. And I have taken refuge on good friends, neighbors and family. I took Maggie for a hearing test in preparation for school and as a follow up from previous hearing tests done since she's was a newborn. She was born with a hearing loss and relies heavily her left ear to locate sound and pick up speech patterns etc. Keeping her left ear healthy is critical.
Today's tests revealed her healthy ear had a conductive loss which essentially means the volume at which she hears is lower than they'd like to see. At the moment the cause is unknown and I will be taking her for a follow up in six weeks where the hope is that her hearing range will be back to a healthy normal. I had the usual conversation with the audiologist and the ENT about possible amplification later down the line and the usual questions of "Do you know the cause?" "Did you have a healthy pregnancy?" "Did you have genetic screening?" and although the doctors were actually very polite and kind and emphatic it is a dialogue that always leaves me feeling hollow inside. I sit and hear it all, I take it all in. I seem on the outside calm and resolved to my daughters hearing loss and while I've long accepted it, my bulging heart aches every time her loss in on the examining table.
I hope with all my heart her next hearing tests reveals a perfectly healthy working ear at full volume and I hope that she will never need to worry about amplification and that she always remains my healthy happy ray of sunshine little girl. This last hour I have sat with her at the dinning table while Ryan naps in her bedroom. She and I have drawn picture after picture, after picture. The table looks like one huge art explosion. I am in awe of my little girl. She is drawing some great pictures, the best I've seen her do and with each one it gets better and better. She is so descriptive with each illustration too. "I'm going to draw the nipples on this cat mummy because it's a mummy cat." "This is a picture of two cats peeking through a leaf." "This is a picture of and angler fish catching two people in their submarine.".....
So while I've been feeling a little on the glum side and worried about how this will all play itself out, the quality time with my daughter has been immeaurable. It has filled me with optimism and good faith that all will work out.
This week has been a tough one, particularly today. And I have taken refuge on good friends, neighbors and family. I took Maggie for a hearing test in preparation for school and as a follow up from previous hearing tests done since she's was a newborn. She was born with a hearing loss and relies heavily her left ear to locate sound and pick up speech patterns etc. Keeping her left ear healthy is critical.
Today's tests revealed her healthy ear had a conductive loss which essentially means the volume at which she hears is lower than they'd like to see. At the moment the cause is unknown and I will be taking her for a follow up in six weeks where the hope is that her hearing range will be back to a healthy normal. I had the usual conversation with the audiologist and the ENT about possible amplification later down the line and the usual questions of "Do you know the cause?" "Did you have a healthy pregnancy?" "Did you have genetic screening?" and although the doctors were actually very polite and kind and emphatic it is a dialogue that always leaves me feeling hollow inside. I sit and hear it all, I take it all in. I seem on the outside calm and resolved to my daughters hearing loss and while I've long accepted it, my bulging heart aches every time her loss in on the examining table.
I hope with all my heart her next hearing tests reveals a perfectly healthy working ear at full volume and I hope that she will never need to worry about amplification and that she always remains my healthy happy ray of sunshine little girl. This last hour I have sat with her at the dinning table while Ryan naps in her bedroom. She and I have drawn picture after picture, after picture. The table looks like one huge art explosion. I am in awe of my little girl. She is drawing some great pictures, the best I've seen her do and with each one it gets better and better. She is so descriptive with each illustration too. "I'm going to draw the nipples on this cat mummy because it's a mummy cat." "This is a picture of two cats peeking through a leaf." "This is a picture of and angler fish catching two people in their submarine.".....
So while I've been feeling a little on the glum side and worried about how this will all play itself out, the quality time with my daughter has been immeaurable. It has filled me with optimism and good faith that all will work out.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
News Just in: A Maggie Story
I was in the bathroom doing what you'd expect any exhausted mother to be doing. In walks Maggie, holding up her stethoscope asking me where my heart is.
"Right here" I say.
Putting up the stethoscope to my chest she listens, "Oh its beating very hard. I can hear it." she says.
Bemused I ask, "Do you want to be a doctor when you grow up Maggie?"
"No. I want to be a Palei- Paleontologist" she declares.
"Right here" I say.
Putting up the stethoscope to my chest she listens, "Oh its beating very hard. I can hear it." she says.
Bemused I ask, "Do you want to be a doctor when you grow up Maggie?"
"No. I want to be a Palei- Paleontologist" she declares.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Ryan Turned Two Today
For Ryan's 2nd birthday this year I decided to host a WPFF amongst friends and family at a local park. Instead of receiving gifts, I asked friends to donate food that would be dropped off at a local food bank. The idea was well received but much to their regrets invitees started to fall to the wayside a couple of days before the planned event. I won't lie, I did start to sulk and considered cancelling the event but I am so glad I didn't. So glad. Look at all the goodies we managed to collect, and there's still more to come as people are still wanting to donate.
The other big plus was that I got to spend some quality time with my adorable niece and nephew (who are growing up so fast) and their mummy, my sister-in-law (aka Lisa). It is my relationship with Lisa that actually inspired this celebration of Ryan's birthday so I cannot take full credit. Please visit Will Play For Food blog for a little inspiration of your own -- it is Lisa's friend and she would be delighted to hear from anyone interested in hosting their own "WPFF".
In the meantime, here's a couple of shots from the even care of Lisa -- "The Birthday Boy and his Birthday Cookie" and "The Cousins Sharing Some Snacks"
The other big plus was that I got to spend some quality time with my adorable niece and nephew (who are growing up so fast) and their mummy, my sister-in-law (aka Lisa). It is my relationship with Lisa that actually inspired this celebration of Ryan's birthday so I cannot take full credit. Please visit Will Play For Food blog for a little inspiration of your own -- it is Lisa's friend and she would be delighted to hear from anyone interested in hosting their own "WPFF".
In the meantime, here's a couple of shots from the even care of Lisa -- "The Birthday Boy and his Birthday Cookie" and "The Cousins Sharing Some Snacks"
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