Mother's Day Surprise

My husband, great man that he is, isn't all that great about gift giving. I'd say his skill in gift giving is right up there with his reluctance to do housework, cooking -- or gardening for that matter. For a little perspective, he choose to give me an electronic toothbrush for the first birthday as his wife; Walgreens was the only store open before 10am the morning of my birthday. As the years have passed I have sometimes gracefully and sometimes not so gracefully accepted this part of our relationship but ultimately always believed in the sanctity of it.

To give hubby credit, he has slowly improved over the years but he's never going to be a guy who showers me with gifts and lines up surprise parties no more than I'd want him to be that way that guy. However, since the arrival of our children I have felt the display of affection and note of appreciation is definitely one which should be displayed as an example for our children to model from; believing that through us they learn how to love and respect one another, themselves and us as parents.

Henceforth the email I sent to hubby on Friday about mid-day titled "Some Ideas for Mother's Day". In it I listed suggested a place to pick up a card with the kids, some light housework chores to do and some fun kid projects to do and some photos of the kids. Thankfully hubby was not offended and took it in his stride. Little did I know he had already made a start on honoring me for mother's day.

I got not one card on mother's day but three. One from each child and one from hubby. The three of them came huddling in my room after a lovely two hour solitary lay-in. The sight of all three happy and proud little faces at the end of my bed as they each handed me a card was picture perfect and bought me to tears. Maggie asked why I was crying and I got to tell her it was because I loved her, Ryan and Daddy so very much and was just really happy and so very proud. I'd say this was the moment of my mother's day which will stand the test of time the best. Their faces and warm bodies just melt my heart away and without anyone one of them I wouldn't be the mummy I am.

But, but, but... there is more. I also received two bouquets of flowers. A sneaky decoy from the market and another delivered my mail on Saturday with a hallmark worthy poem written by hubby and a wonderful box of choccies to share -- plus, plus, plus....a date night for next Wednesday to see the musical "Wicked". Oh what a lucky gal I am. I am. Oh what a lucky gal I am.

Tonight, I shall sleep well. Can't wait for tomorrow start. I feel so blessed and am so grateful for the love which surrounds me. I'll just work on the housework today and schedule that family portrait myself and count down the days to wednesday.

Objectivity is a Virtue

Got a call back from the evaluator today. Emotions are amix. We discussed the possibility of autism. In her observations (without my input) she would borderline him as being at risk. At the end of the conversation I asked her not to currently recommend further evaluations but to reevaluate at twenty-four months -- a standard time when autism is checked for at well baby visits.

I've got the mother load of mothers guilt tonight. Maybe if I paid more attention to him during the day. Maybe if I sat down with him and did puzzles, and drawing. Maybe if I enrolled him in playgroups...

Then again, I say -- this is just who he is. Please don't label him. Put your pens down and just watch him. Talk to him, not at him. Hold him, hug him. Laugh with him, play with him. Wait; watch and listen. Look at him with your eyes, your heart and your soul. Forget the checklist. Toss it to one side and come back at playtime.

Objectivity is truly a virtue when it comes to providing your child with all that he needs and protecting him from the things he does not.

The Evaluation

An update from my post reference Ryan and his speech is that his initial home evaluation indicated he may be eligible to receive services for his speech but scored well in all other areas. This is what I expected to hear. In the meantime I'm waiting for an official report and listening to new sounds Ryan is producing practically everyday now.

I think the comment of the day goes to the physical therapist who was evaluating him when she said, "His cognitive skills are very good -- he 's a smart boy. That's good. Usually when there's a speech delay cognitive skills are behind too. He's showing good imagination too -- he's an independent boy."

Next thing to get checked out will be his hearing to eliminate a hearing loss, which is quite unlikely as his receptive language scored high, and then I'll have to decide if I want to participate in a program we're offered.

I'll post again on this when I have another update. Right now I'm going back to my son, to hold him, hug him and love him some more.

A Purge and Look Who's (not) Talking

My son, my dear sweet, cherishable son is twenty months old and refusing to utter one coherent syllable. On a recent visit to the doctors office, I raised my concerns regarding his speech or lack there of and to cut the long story short he is being evaluated to see if he's eligible to receive services for an early interventions program. We've already had one home visit to go over paperwork and will be getting a couple more visits to track and assess his development.

It is a road I have been down before with my daughter who was born with a unilateral hearing loss and to be perfectly frank, it is not one I care to go down again. Fortunately, my daughter has adapted well to her hearing loss which has been registered by an audiologist as "mild to profound". To you and me it means she is relying on one ear to hear speech and the noises which occur in her environment. The program my daughter and I were enrolled consisted of regular home visits, paperwork and tedious homework. Personally, I think I was just filling someones quota. Though I think there is a place for early intervention for many families it wasn't right for Maggie and I, and I should have spoken up about it. Hindsight is twenty-twenty.

Now here I am again, going through the motions with Ryan. As a mother I want to provide my children with the best possible start in life and if that means they need a little extra help then so be it but no parent wants to hear their child is "developmentally delayed". What and whose benchmark do you use to decide if your child is delayed and how do you differentiate between personality and actuality of a so called delay that requires some sort of intervention? And when is it okay to speak out if you want to decline services without it becoming a black mark on your report card? These are the questions which have been rolling around in my head the past few weeks.

Of course, I am asking these question rhetorically, I don't really need an answer. I know the answer. I watch my son, and I love him unconditionally and protect him as I see fit. That is not to say that it is going to be easy to deflect uncensored judgement or criticism no more than it will be easy to accept some truths that may be very difficult to hear; after all nobody said being a parent would be easy. Sometimes it feels like a catch twenty-two.

Since our first home visit my anxieties about my son and his speech has watered down a lot. It seems as if Ryan is extended himself beyond his arms length to prove to me that he is more than capable of reaching milestones. If I could only describe the scene to you as he logically figured out how to get three soccer balls from the back gate back into the blow-up pool by picking each one up at time and then tossing them until they reached the poolside instead of fumbling to pick them all up and carry them to the poolside at the same time. My Ryan may not be talking yet, but his father and I adore him and can see the genius inside milling away.